The "Being Seen" Trap

Why a 5-year-old on a kitchen floor taught me more about leadership than a decade in the boardroom.

This is the definition of leadership at 6 years old

I have spent the a majority of my career working inside Corporate America.

I’ve been in boardrooms with the biggest brands in the world.

I’ve seen the suits, the vests, and the endless slide decks. (Side note - you must check out @midtownuniform on Instagram…try it, trust me)

And I’ve noticed a pattern.

A quiet, invisible current that steers almost every decision.

It is the desperate, clawing need To Be Seen.

You know the moment.

The executive who asks a question in a meeting not to get an answer, but just to ensure everyone heard their voice. The manager who subtly takes credit for a team win.

The “Game of Thrones” politics where people fight for visibility instead of impact.

Now, let’s be fair. This is human.

I get it. I want to be seen.

You want to be seen.

We all have a primal, biological need to know that we matter. To know that our contribution counted. It’s not “evil.” It’s just ego. And we all have one.

But here is the hard truth:

Indulging that need is the opposite of leadership.

I saw the antidote yesterday. And it wasn’t in a boardroom…a virtual boardroom because who goes into an office anymore… it was on my kitchen floor.

My daughter Everly took a tumble while playing with our new puppy Koko in the kitchen. She smacked her knee hard and started crying.

My son, Hunter, didn’t look around to see if Mom or Dad was watching.

He didn’t check to see if there was an audience to applaud his “good deed.” He didn’t ask for credit.

He just dropped to his knees, hugged her, and whispered: “ You okay Sissy. I know it hurts. It’s going to be ok. It’s going to be a great day tomorrow. You’re okay. You’re okay.”

I stood there, drinking my coffee, and I thought two things while getting a little teary eyed:

1 - I’m so flipping proud of you little man.

2 - Damn. That is leadership.

And the contrast hit me like a truck.

The Executive in the boardroom wanted to BE seen. My son on the floor wanted to SEE someone else.

The “Being Seen” trap operates out of scarcity: “If I don’t claim the credit, I disappear.”

True Leadership operates out of abundance: “I have enough strength to give you some, and I don’t need a receipt.”

This is the litmus test for your culture, your team, and yourself.

Stay with me here…It’s okay to want the applause. It’s okay to want the promotion.

But when you are called to lead, whether it’s a billion-dollar division or a crying sibling on the floor, you have to make a choice.

Are you trying to reflect the light onto yourself?

Or are you trying to shine it on the person who fell down?

The amateur leader fights to be seen. The pro leader fights to see others.

Be like Hunter.

Business has enough empty suits